I feel like i am sitting alone in a big dark room, n dere's a huge dome over me on which many things are going by and i am tied to my seat...
This is how my days are going and the sole reason for my living is music...
I know this is a phase in evryone's life but i don't care about anybody and nor does anyone about me...im feeling so low dat i dun wanna do nething but close my eyes n dream..
n so i wrote dis in school wen teacher in d front was speakin sumting about carbon bond lengths n some fuckin "facts"
My morose death
Breaking glasses, tearing pages
drawing sketches,throwing pencils,
hurting my fists, wiping tears
That's all i do the whole day
my head's all bang n my fingers going ram
closing my eyes, i pull my hair
it happens to me all the time.
I am CONFUSED!!
Am i in dark or light??
this way or that way
i'm surrounded by thousands of things to do
dere are ig question marks everywhere
Who am I anyway??
Am i doomed or still to go?
i have no inerest to know...
i don't care
i don't give a damn look
at the things that are passing by
i don't wanna look my self in the mirror
i wanna do the things i want
or, i just wanna do nothing.
but sit n gaze at the sky.
i wanna go up there
away from everything else...
this confusion is killing me
i'm bleeding under ur shadow
i'm weeping under ur eyes
And i don't wanna breathe anymore....
I love all the things dat have no rules to them and all the things dat hav no particular or presumed way to do. Though that means i hate almost everything in this world ...but dere still exists a short (really very short) list like hitting someone (or getting hit by someone), yelling at someone or BUNKING classes.
There's no special way of bunking the classes...whether u go straight to the teacher and ask to go out n do some work or reamin out of the class whole day.
I've been bunking classes at school for a cosiderable time now...but im not so much experienced to be called an expert.
here are 5 reasons according to me for getting out of the class before the teacher stages in -
1. It saves u from the boring english lessons, chemistry chapters n the most horrible physics
laws.
2. It saves u from all the irksome noises of teacher shouting and of the 'chalk writing' on
the black board.
3. It makes u get used to the teacher's shrilling voice when she catches u roaming out without
ne reason.
4. It allows u to enter the class from the back, or sneaking in the class when teacher is not
looking frm behind or jumping inside from the window which u may not do in usual cases.
5. It allows u to play guitar in the music room or play basketball or soccer in the ground when
other ur classmates are getting dere heads banged by the teacher and are going green cz' of u.
There's no special way of bunking the classes...whether u go straight to the teacher and ask to go out n do some work or reamin out of the class whole day.
I've been bunking classes at school for a cosiderable time now...but im not so much experienced to be called an expert.
here are 5 reasons according to me for getting out of the class before the teacher stages in -
1. It saves u from the boring english lessons, chemistry chapters n the most horrible physics
laws.
2. It saves u from all the irksome noises of teacher shouting and of the 'chalk writing' on
the black board.
3. It makes u get used to the teacher's shrilling voice when she catches u roaming out without
ne reason.
4. It allows u to enter the class from the back, or sneaking in the class when teacher is not
looking frm behind or jumping inside from the window which u may not do in usual cases.
5. It allows u to play guitar in the music room or play basketball or soccer in the ground when
other ur classmates are getting dere heads banged by the teacher and are going green cz' of u.
posted by namita at 2:08 PM
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1 comments
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1 comments
The very fact dat i scored a nice 94.2% in class 10th is troubling me bad...so bad dat i wish to go back in past n live my life da way i've always wanted to.
i have been like in the toppers of the class for past 2 or 3 years. n everyone knows me as a girl who scores big in exams everytime. Even in my family or to include all the maternal and paternal sides, it's like not a news if i get above 90% in my school exams..
and this is da slice of my past dat i hate the most...i never wanted to be a topper....i never wanted to study in the first place...i used to abuse the system of education for da my hate towards my studies...but still i managed to relate what was taught in class to the stupid things around me n studied to get a neat report card at the end of the year.
The problem now is dat i hate studies so much dat i find no meaning in studying what has no use in the real life..altough it was there in my mind for years..its just dat im over with the books so much dat i don't even look at the books now.
this has lead in my "not so good" results n im so proud of it. But i've always had this image of a topper n i can't get over with it...all the ppl say the same thing..."hey aren't u da same who got a 94 in boards?" n i hav da same dumb reply "yea i am".
I hate my past so much for the things i m going thru now...i wish i never had got those marks in 10th..it's like a shame to me.....sob
i have been like in the toppers of the class for past 2 or 3 years. n everyone knows me as a girl who scores big in exams everytime. Even in my family or to include all the maternal and paternal sides, it's like not a news if i get above 90% in my school exams..
and this is da slice of my past dat i hate the most...i never wanted to be a topper....i never wanted to study in the first place...i used to abuse the system of education for da my hate towards my studies...but still i managed to relate what was taught in class to the stupid things around me n studied to get a neat report card at the end of the year.
The problem now is dat i hate studies so much dat i find no meaning in studying what has no use in the real life..altough it was there in my mind for years..its just dat im over with the books so much dat i don't even look at the books now.
this has lead in my "not so good" results n im so proud of it. But i've always had this image of a topper n i can't get over with it...all the ppl say the same thing..."hey aren't u da same who got a 94 in boards?" n i hav da same dumb reply "yea i am".
I hate my past so much for the things i m going thru now...i wish i never had got those marks in 10th..it's like a shame to me.....sob
posted by namita at 1:43 PM |
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2 comments
i've always thought that i can't maintain hair going below my shoulder and neither do i like it, cz' it's like fighting with ur hair with a comb whenever u go outside.
so this time, when i went to the salon(or rather a barber shop, of which i dunno the name), i thought i'll get a different style this time. i asked the lady to name all the hairstyles in short length. after a lotta naming n den some explanation, i finally decided to get short steps.
it's kinda boring to sit in front of the mirror for 15 minutes, doing nothing and following the barber's instructions - tilt to the left, bend the head forward (i always have problem doin all this, n then she herself bends my head like nething). yea, so i was pretty bored, listening all that she was talking to her assistant(some aunty with weird eyebrows) about all that facial, upper lip n more(about which i could understand nothing).
so at last when she said she'd done, i looked n almost got a shock - the hair a my back had almost gone, they were so thin n from the front i was lookin like salman khan(how i hate him) in 'tere naam' (the hairstyle that really freaks me out, i mean how can ppl do that?). i said nothing and came back home and sat nearly 20 mins. lookin at myself, thinkin about the ways i can pin up those hair on my forehead! it's like really short from the front but shoulder length from the back, with "steps" on them.
reaction -
after a lot of pinning and clipping, the next day in school was one of the most exciting day for children (has to be the embarassing one for me). when i was walkin thru the corridor to my class, almost each n evry student was gazing at me, n i was walkin with my head down. i dunno why they were doing dat actually. i didn't know any of them, most probably they had not even seen me anytime before, so why such amazement?
when i entered the class, all the heads were turned to me n the first reaction i got was from simran-"what?...what have u done?". n dere's dat guy in my class who showed every other person who entered the class that day, my face.....with a cheeky-"look at namita-tom cruise".
i don't know when dis tom cruise did ever have a haircut like the one i have. still they have to say things without makin ne sense....n den lo....i got my new name-"tommy"(i've never heard such a stupid name except for the dogs).
n one of the most strange reaction-"u look like a boy from behind. y don't u wear pants tomorrow". i've never seen a guy with that haircut n neway i liked it, n so did my class teacher who made a copliment, at the end of the day! (i really needed it after a tiresome day)
so this time, when i went to the salon(or rather a barber shop, of which i dunno the name), i thought i'll get a different style this time. i asked the lady to name all the hairstyles in short length. after a lotta naming n den some explanation, i finally decided to get short steps.
it's kinda boring to sit in front of the mirror for 15 minutes, doing nothing and following the barber's instructions - tilt to the left, bend the head forward (i always have problem doin all this, n then she herself bends my head like nething). yea, so i was pretty bored, listening all that she was talking to her assistant(some aunty with weird eyebrows) about all that facial, upper lip n more(about which i could understand nothing).
so at last when she said she'd done, i looked n almost got a shock - the hair a my back had almost gone, they were so thin n from the front i was lookin like salman khan(how i hate him) in 'tere naam' (the hairstyle that really freaks me out, i mean how can ppl do that?). i said nothing and came back home and sat nearly 20 mins. lookin at myself, thinkin about the ways i can pin up those hair on my forehead! it's like really short from the front but shoulder length from the back, with "steps" on them.
reaction -
after a lot of pinning and clipping, the next day in school was one of the most exciting day for children (has to be the embarassing one for me). when i was walkin thru the corridor to my class, almost each n evry student was gazing at me, n i was walkin with my head down. i dunno why they were doing dat actually. i didn't know any of them, most probably they had not even seen me anytime before, so why such amazement?
when i entered the class, all the heads were turned to me n the first reaction i got was from simran-"what?...what have u done?". n dere's dat guy in my class who showed every other person who entered the class that day, my face.....with a cheeky-"look at namita-tom cruise".
i don't know when dis tom cruise did ever have a haircut like the one i have. still they have to say things without makin ne sense....n den lo....i got my new name-"tommy"(i've never heard such a stupid name except for the dogs).
n one of the most strange reaction-"u look like a boy from behind. y don't u wear pants tomorrow". i've never seen a guy with that haircut n neway i liked it, n so did my class teacher who made a copliment, at the end of the day! (i really needed it after a tiresome day)
posted by namita at 6:52 PM |
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3 comments
i have been thinkin of this for like an year now, n i can't believe that im doing it finally. i got a guitar- an acoustic one n im learning how to play it!
here's the story how i thought about it one day n finally laid my hands on it(n more) -
friday,the 28th of september might have been da one day in my life when i took a decision so instantly! i thought of learning guitar, but for that i first had to have the instrument about which i did know nothing about, only thing that it's made of wood, has 6 strings n called acoustic(till lately for me, the one that's not electric). so the next day i stepped inside the music room of my school (my face all strange), and faced the teacher whom i had never seen before.
the school band was practising there n i went up-
me - sir, i want to learn playing a guitar.
sir-(not looking at me) eh?
me- sir, i want to buy a guitar, so which one should i buy?
sir-ok, wait a minute.
me(what's he thinkin?)
after a long pause
the guy in the band - u can buy the black guitar of givsan company! its' good for beginners.
me(??????)
the guy(to sir)- i've told her what u might have told her, sir.
sir(to me)- ok, come outside and i'll tell u.
me(totally frightened cz' he was in bad mood n frowning badly)
but to my amazement, he calmed down n then yold me thing to buy n the particular shop to buy from. so the same day, i told my mom, n she agreed that she'll buy me 1 in the evening, n whoooo i got it!
i thank dat unnammed guy who actually, made sir speak n tell me things. but afterwards, i came to know dat he asked 1 of my friends who came with me later my name n said that i was smart!!!!!!(i don't know what it actually means!)
so now, wheneve i got the music room to learn it, he comes in between, n asks me if he could teach me. i say yes n then he starts off, teaching me where to put my fingers on the fretboard n more. my views?? he's an awesome guitarist! (dat's why he's in the band..duh)
posted by namita at 6:15 PM |
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5 comments
since i've joined my new school (like for 2 n a 1/2 months), they have been around meall the time n 6 weeks are more than enough for a person to recognise all da good ones n da bad ones around him.
now since our class teacher is the all new ms. bhawna arora, who on the very first day gave her introduction by stating her qualification (post graduate frm miranda house, pysics honours n so me more blah blah) before even telling her name! n now she's fed up wid the class but she makes da perfect CT really cz she's young n sometimes wears jeans to da school!
so, i've got my new classmates who r really nice but not better da n my previous ones. n since dere r only 3 types of em', i've categorised dem in2 3 --
1. the old junkies
2. the huge brained VMCians
3. the pathetic biharis
all though most of dose in no.2 belong to no.3 but not the vice versa. here i start the totally unchanged and straight from my mind, cz i know nobody among dem is gonna read dis.
now since our class teacher is the all new ms. bhawna arora, who on the very first day gave her introduction by stating her qualification (post graduate frm miranda house, pysics honours n so me more blah blah) before even telling her name! n now she's fed up wid the class but she makes da perfect CT really cz she's young n sometimes wears jeans to da school!
so, i've got my new classmates who r really nice but not better da n my previous ones. n since dere r only 3 types of em', i've categorised dem in2 3 --
1. the old junkies
2. the huge brained VMCians
3. the pathetic biharis
all though most of dose in no.2 belong to no.3 but not the vice versa. here i start the totally unchanged and straight from my mind, cz i know nobody among dem is gonna read dis.
- Shashwat, tarun n yash - all the 3 r da same, makin ppllaugh the ehole day n acting out in a totally weird way. but the very big difference b/w dem is the type of jokes dey crack. as for shashwat, he's da total punjabi guy who mostly cracks abt santa-banta in his soooooo perfect punjabi accent. yash's imitation of 'an eating akarsh' is laudable.but da perfect joker is tarun who takes the cake away even for jokes which are not his original!
- naina, manika n riddhi - dey r da beauty queens of our class. dere's no class after which deir make-up kit is not opened.
- vasudha, simran - my type of ppl. really nice....most of all dey laugh on my jokes (which even i find pathetic). dey're into sports not dat girly things n yea dey don't bitch about who's got which bf!
- archit n manan - both dese guys r just awesome. i mean dey'vegot some degree in cheating. dough both have da opposite physique, one's like tall n so lean da other is short. yet dey make a good pair n fun to be with.
- mayank n bharat - dey r da rockstars of our class, both play guitar n also sing. i don not know much about both of'em. but i must say mayank is da tallest guy i've ever seen.
- aditi n parul - dey r new in school ,very simple n da real good frnds.
the VMCians - dey r some really intelligent ppl who r in regular batch, some 5 or 6 of dem all hav come from either bihar or m.p. so deir minds work like nething. totally absent - minded in the class. the place u'll find dem whether duing da class or in recess is da last bench, with deir study package n workin on the problems on their recycled pages!
the biharis - o how i hate dem. dey r like so bad, no manners n no way to talk.....real dorks frm da strangest part of da world!
posted by namita at 8:10 PM |
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2 comments
when old dreams give way to new........
i dreamt big and dose dreams were even bigger dan what i dreamt. but then i realised(which i always have anyway, just dat this time im looking at it thru my eyes) dat im not my friends thought i am......im not even a bit "intelligent", da word da ppl in dia don't know da meaning of!
i alway had this feeling dat what i score in an exam is not da ultimate thing, but dat the "practical knowledge" is always better dan dan the rest. but ppl around me never understood n dey don't even now.
i had dose deams of studying at IIT n den doing something in da field of nanotech. although, now i have dat interest but dat is not what i want to do in life. i want to do a lotta things before i die n da list is endless.
so i think i wanna become a globe trotter who moves all over da world experiencing places, ppl and life.....i know it's just a dream but dis i wat i always wanted to do from da beginning, just dat i've realised it now....
i dreamt big and dose dreams were even bigger dan what i dreamt. but then i realised(which i always have anyway, just dat this time im looking at it thru my eyes) dat im not my friends thought i am......im not even a bit "intelligent", da word da ppl in dia don't know da meaning of!
i alway had this feeling dat what i score in an exam is not da ultimate thing, but dat the "practical knowledge" is always better dan dan the rest. but ppl around me never understood n dey don't even now.
i had dose deams of studying at IIT n den doing something in da field of nanotech. although, now i have dat interest but dat is not what i want to do in life. i want to do a lotta things before i die n da list is endless.
so i think i wanna become a globe trotter who moves all over da world experiencing places, ppl and life.....i know it's just a dream but dis i wat i always wanted to do from da beginning, just dat i've realised it now....
posted by namita at 1:17 PM |
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totally pissed off.....
da hardest times of my life have arrived and im like totally going mad! dese r da days when any human being is supposed to enjoy da life to da max.......but ithink it's just going da opposite for me. i have to like go to school for 6 hrs n den to coaching for another4 hrs (which some angel has changed to 3 n a half hrs). not bad though but going to coaching and sit dere for so much time n den understanding nothing is sooooo difficult.
n whenever i think about dat i regret n dat also so bad dat i come back to my own point dat dere thousands like me n even worse. i've got no time to think nething else. n then, when da results come bad....it's like wasting my time n not doing nething.
but so goes on life where taking decision is as impostant than doing things.........
da hardest times of my life have arrived and im like totally going mad! dese r da days when any human being is supposed to enjoy da life to da max.......but ithink it's just going da opposite for me. i have to like go to school for 6 hrs n den to coaching for another4 hrs (which some angel has changed to 3 n a half hrs). not bad though but going to coaching and sit dere for so much time n den understanding nothing is sooooo difficult.
n whenever i think about dat i regret n dat also so bad dat i come back to my own point dat dere thousands like me n even worse. i've got no time to think nething else. n then, when da results come bad....it's like wasting my time n not doing nething.
but so goes on life where taking decision is as impostant than doing things.........
posted by namita at 1:08 PM |
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1 comments
my very new skool
ok the decision is over and i just did not join da best school in da country just cz' it was very far from my house. so enrolled to da nearest skool n dat's called 'hansraj model school' which also happens to be da school of my irritatin young bro. da thng abt dis skool which is very useful(is it) is dat almost half da population lives in my vicinity!
da school as such is supposed (or is known for) to be haven of wild creatures and strange characters who rarely do study but still maintain to get good grades. so i was under dis impression and was really terrified, also cz i had cum frm a convent skool.
da 1st day went on uneventfully and dere was nothn much different though i managed to gather some info about da school, da places to bunk and da music room and stuff. dat day i was greeted by my frnd from my coaching class who den also told me about ppl here. da ppl who were good and can be my fnds, da ppl who i shud stay away from n also da bullies nd morons who just stay out of classes da whole day.
da new school is totally different from da old one in many ways, of which i can list down sumthings here -
- there are no chairs for teachers in da class (cz according 2 dem teachers r not supposed 2 be sitting n teaching, poor dem)
- dere r loads of breaks in between da classes. first half hr. b4 da assembly, den half hr. after it. den dere's da short break of 10 minutes after second period and den again half hr. after da 4th period.
- ppl here eat da whole day, either in da classroom or just hangn out in da canteen
- da classrooms r way too big and hav large windows thru which every other person goin outside peeps in n comments on da teachers (dat's da ultimate fun).
- da princi is kinda like a frnd and talks very freely and does what students want.
.......to be continued
ok the decision is over and i just did not join da best school in da country just cz' it was very far from my house. so enrolled to da nearest skool n dat's called 'hansraj model school' which also happens to be da school of my irritatin young bro. da thng abt dis skool which is very useful(is it) is dat almost half da population lives in my vicinity!
da school as such is supposed (or is known for) to be haven of wild creatures and strange characters who rarely do study but still maintain to get good grades. so i was under dis impression and was really terrified, also cz i had cum frm a convent skool.
da 1st day went on uneventfully and dere was nothn much different though i managed to gather some info about da school, da places to bunk and da music room and stuff. dat day i was greeted by my frnd from my coaching class who den also told me about ppl here. da ppl who were good and can be my fnds, da ppl who i shud stay away from n also da bullies nd morons who just stay out of classes da whole day.
da new school is totally different from da old one in many ways, of which i can list down sumthings here -
- there are no chairs for teachers in da class (cz according 2 dem teachers r not supposed 2 be sitting n teaching, poor dem)
- dere r loads of breaks in between da classes. first half hr. b4 da assembly, den half hr. after it. den dere's da short break of 10 minutes after second period and den again half hr. after da 4th period.
- ppl here eat da whole day, either in da classroom or just hangn out in da canteen
- da classrooms r way too big and hav large windows thru which every other person goin outside peeps in n comments on da teachers (dat's da ultimate fun).
- da princi is kinda like a frnd and talks very freely and does what students want.
.......to be continued
posted by namita at 11:39 AM |
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1 comments